Miraculous gift with a dash of hope!

Gifts do not necessarily come in boxes nicely wrapped in shiny paper. My husband and I, received one such magnificent gift for the second time in our life, Adrian, my little munchkin. An immeasurable and priceless gift!

My first experience as a mom was overwhelming in itself. Being a mom again was different, different in ways and that which I could not imagine even in my darkest dreams. I was filled with ambivalence, guilt, shame, and failure enclosed me. It took me a while to grasp the reality that, I actually had given birth in the 6th month of my pregnancy. My baby was only 26 weeks old. It was as if my body had pushed out my baby from within me.

He was so small yet his story of survival so impactful… he was so frail yet his fight for survival so very strong. 

Eagerly, I looked through the incubator, emotions of fear, anxiety, and helplessness overpowering me. My eyes swelled up with tears, when I saw him laying still with all the tubes and wires. Tears kept flowing  seeing this tiny and  fragile baby, weighing just about 810 grams. With a heavy burdened heart I gave thanks to God for his survival and his life.

The nurse encouraged me to touch him, but I was scared thinking whether I would end up hurting him. His reaction to my first touch was heavenly, and one which I will always cherish. This is when I truly realized the importance of a “human touch”. Every passing day was a test of patience. I wanted to hold my baby close, but being on ventilator I was not allowed to take him. The situation demanded understanding but it wrenched the mother in me.

The first time I held him was after 15 days of his birth. I was spell-bound to hold a miracle in my hand. My husband and I, both learned once again how to hold our little baby and take care of him in a manner we never knew.

Every week, Adrian ended up facing and fighting a new complication, but fortunately pulled through every time. I regained my strength day and night, as our little baby started growing and showing progress. In his own way, he made us smile.

We started staying positive and trying to live one day at a time. Days turned to weeks and weeks into months, and my munchkin fought and grew slowly and steadily every day. It was as if the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) was my new home. With mixed feelings, we would sit for hours next to his bedside. We never knew what the next day would unfold. Some days were good, some days not so. Finally, after three long months, the darkest days of our life, we received news from the doctors. The hospital told us that Adrian is doing better and can be transferred to a normal pediatric ward. We were thrilled at the news, it was a very positive step, but, we were still anxious and fearful. He, however continued to teach us to never give up.

The treatment for Adrian continued with lesser tests, no special attention and in a very normal environment. He did fantastically well, showing improvements every day after undergoing four surgeries. Surgeries which we heard in a lifetime were under his kitty in a few months of birth. With a dramatic entrance into this world, from not being able to even take a breath by himself, we reached a stage to be able to be taking him home.

150 days in the NICU, PICU, and Emma Tuin with our child have been deeply ingrained into our memories. The care, love and support we received from the doctors, nurses, support staff, friends cannot be encompassed in to a single word called ‘Thank you, but that’s the only word I know to express’. Adrian, our life’s most extraordinary gift, made up of beautiful breaths, unconditional love, and endless gratitude. Now it’s time to create new and beautiful experiences and memories at our home, just where he belongs.

But as the day drew close, I am frightened to leave the security of the hospital. To leave behind the people who nurtured him during his fight for survival and at the same time I also just cannot wait to be home, our real home.

The world depends on hope and Adrian sure has taught us to live once more with much more hope. I believe in miracles and hope. They sure are for real and do happen every second of our life. Right now I am holding mine!