My Boss and me, in and out of shell

In the shell

When I joined work, my aim was to come on time, complete the tasks assigned to me and leave on time. I avoided any kind of office charades nor was I looking at achieving anything specific. My focus was not on my career and I was not keen on any kind of role. I was happy to do my job and be back home with my daughter. 2 years passed by with a similar routine. Kids would grow faster than you know and I wanted to be very much part of his childhood. Then I met my boss and this is mostly about my boss and me.

Out of the shell

Time flies, after my son was born and I returned to work, I intended to do the same. But my boss created this feeling of being wanted and so brought a change in my routine. She wanted me to do more than what was needed to keep the paycheck going. That was the real me, hidden between the roles of wife, mother and the regular office-goer. I wanted to do multiple roles: helping others, working on something challenging, leading and guiding team members. Proving myself was exciting. ‘Being there’ for an entire team was fulfilling. I did every kind of role, or rather, my boss took me out of my shell and I did it more than happily.

She exposed my raw skin to such varied situations. Today when I think of it I am scared if I can do any of it!

I was doing research on technologies I never heard before. Prepared estimates for projects I had no experience in. Meeting people with varied expertise whom I’ve never met before. Drafting product and guideline documents without prior knowledge but acquiring on the job. Leading a team of developers with zero development experience. I always had the team’s task ticket numbers on the top of my head. We were a team of 20 and at any point, I knew who was doing what task.

I was giving demos to clients. Every demo I had something different, something unique. The company’s website needed some videos and I was giving voice over. My hat was filling up with feathers I had lost count of. I was challenged every bit as I had to put my 200%. But I still wanted to do more. I kept inching and pushing my limits so many times, she wanted perfection and I didn’t want to give in. I was finally striking a balance between work and home.

Forced back into the shell

Suddenly one day I get to know of my boss’s resignation. This troubled me! Employees leave bosses, what do you do when the boss leaves the organization? Anyhow, I continued in the same line trying to keep the same zeal. I must say it was difficult to keep the same energy levels but I did my bit. Then one day, someone in authority asked the inevitable question, “Who asked you to do all these roles?” I went back to do just doing my tasks. Now, I am back to doing my tasks and head home on time. There is no need for me to guide or protect the team, there is no need to lead, and there is no need to do more than my tasks. Was I looking for power or role or career? No, I was doing what I wanted to do.

Combating to be out

I always told everyone, do the job because you want to do the job not because you have to do it. Three years I have been myself, I’ve lived as per my terms, I’ve pushed my limits and enjoyed every bit, albeit with stress! Now at this juncture, I have to try and be happy with doing tasks and going home. I have to close the shell again and forget about what I wanted to do?

My boss was a catalyst who taught me adaptability and amenability. She did her job well, showed me my true potential. Now it’s my turn, should I continue my routine 8 hours job or should I use my learning to fight the challenges and teach others to come out of their shells?