Isn’t listening really a challenge?

Listening: Difficult task

Listening is one of the most difficult everyday task I do. My son however says it’s quite easy to listen. I reacted saying, “It’s easy to hear but difficult to listen.” “So what’s the difference?” he prodded. “Well you hear with your ears but you listen with your heart”, I responded. You can imagine the confused look on the eight-year old’s face. My science fascinated son replied, “Mom, come on now, how can the heart listen and the ear not?” Smiling I said, “Empathy. You will understand in a few years.”

The difference between listening and hearing is when we genuinely listen to other person, we are then able to empathize with them. The journey of empathy essentially begins from the heart. And that makes a world of difference!

Good Listener

One of my friends claims to be a good listener. By nature he is a quiet and calm person. And true to what he asserted, he was ever ready to lend an ear to anyone and everyone. So I asked him, “What makes you a good listener?” Calmly, he responded that initially he thought it’s easier and less energy consuming to listen. And then revealing he said, “The fact is that, I’m a listener not a talker!” Albeit, when he did speak he never minced any words and voiced his opinions strongly. He wasn’t much of a talker so he assumed the reverse was easier. Slowly he came to realize that it’s not as easy as he thought. And during the course of this realization period he developed a keen interest. And shared that his listening had indeed helped people in many a situation. Zealously, he said, “Sharing our problems with another person helps us to think through them and in turn helps to find solutions too.” Recalling previous incidents, he testified not having advised any solution but only by listening to the problems aided the other person.

The experience with listening has helped him judge the quality of the person. There are people whom he assumed to be fools but who turned out were blabbering out of sheer innocence or to hide some facts of their life’s. Detailed conversations with people allowed him to take wise opinions about the character. This has enabled him to easily identify the diamonds among the stones rather good folks from not that great ones. Listening permitted him the flexibility to decide whether to ‘continue listening’ or just to ‘hear’ them out. He now knows whom he can share his personal details and who can be a friend. Smart guy eh!

Common Phenomena

Among us, I do feel, a large number of people do the same as my friend. Although, each one of us form opinions and impressions about people based on a few conversations. Is that acceptable? Most of us get into a conversation and then take up the lead to swagger about our own experiences? In effect, each of us listen with one ear and start off with our mouth. A small gap for a breath and we start off on our own rant. I once knew a HR manager, who never missed the slightest chance to brag about his life experiences. Few weeks back, I mentioned to him about my friends fathers sudden death. My body’s requisite for some oxygen made me take a breather gap and he started off, on how it was when his mother passed away. 20 minutes and the conversation was only one-sided. He didn’t even wait for me to tell that I was in a hurry to reach the hospital and console my grief-stricken friend.

The Political Listener

As a constitution, my country is democratic one. It is where, the people decide and vote for their leaders in the aspiration that they will listen to their problems and resolve them. My politician friends, friends elected by us, would you take heed and do just one task: Just close your mouth and open your ears.

My friend however is on the path to learn and grow. Wonder why? Well he has not barred himself from any new conversation, no matter how small or high in position or age the other person is. Controlled ego is the crux.

Epictetus: Finale

Where am I getting on with this you ask…?
Well let’s try to listen twice as much as we speak. Here’s a famous quote by Epictetus, the Greek Philosopher mentions “We have two ears and one mouth”. That’s a gentle reminder especially to all the people who brag about themselves at the drop of any conversation.
Greater friendship lies with those who have the power to listen!