Honest Thoughts
Calm down! I keep telling myself. Quite literally closing my fist to keep myself put.
If you ask me what the reason is, it sounds childish. My urge to perennially complete a task quickly and then jump on to another. This drives me insane and I feel exhausted all the time. It quite literally drives me nuts and I feel like I am in constant battle with myself.
One day I decide to face the feeling and emotion head on. As any prognosis goes, one needs to get into the depths and roots of an urge, in my case, a habit. As funny as it sounds, the issue is real I realize, and I begin to write down instances when I feel the need to complete my tasks. To my surprise, I deal with the same rigidity both in my personal and professional life. I hurry and not willingly though, spread the sense of rush around me. This action blared like a siren to me. So, this means I am indirectly affecting individuals around me as well. I felt like I hit rock bottom! And then a flood of instances fills my mind and a sense of guilt begin to swallow me. This feeling makes me feel, in my course of being urgent, I would have hurt people.
Step 1: Realize to be Mindful
I yelled, “Enough”! I need to sort this out for the benefit of me and people whom I care around me. So now I realize the problem. The next step is how I resolve this. This is an inbuilt habit and habits can be learned and unlearned. While I don’t quite remember how it all started, I sure can do something to beat this brash beast. I come up with a 3-step plan.
Step 2: Responsible thinking and listening
I will be mindful. This means, I truly need to pull all my senses into what exactly is happening around me. Not allow my mind wander off and control the very temptation of other tasks or chores.
Step 3: Find my Mojo
I will listen to understand and not just respond right away. Mind you, we are responsible for every word that we say. This also means, I must keenly listen to every word and train to calm my mind, against creating clouds of assumptions and stereotypes.
Practice the Preaching
Exercise being calm! So, do I breathe slowly or wake up and exercise or read a book or just walk? I need to find my mojo. I need to figure that one cue, which when I perform will result me in being calm. I will find that out.
Final and Repeat
The voice in my head screams, “This is truly painful to me. It goes against every fiber of my being”. Then I ask myself, “How will you think on your feet?” That’s how most of our decisions are made at work. I begin to rewind all those instances where I faced such situations, surprisingly, I had enough time for all those tasks. It was me and by rash habit to finish things. And did I feel a sense of accomplishment – not really! As much as shocking this seems to me, I am excited of being my own test case and put this new insight to practice.
I breathe, and I tell myself. I will follow my 3 steps. It’s a journey and I will pursue it for my own sanity. I assure myself and keep calm. If not, this will be my undoing! Just be still!
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As someone with a masterful ability to procrastinate till the very last moment, I don’t think that i can properly explain to you the jealousy I feel reading this. If I could finish all my tasks obsessively as you seem to do, my life would look very different. Sometimes we need to ignore our loved ones and those most close us to properly complete a task or two (or three or four).
In this day and age, the will to sit and be idle is a common trait. The opposite is what’s difficult. I applaud your obsessiveness and plead with you that although you may not be as relaxed as some others, don’t think that you drive to constant do things is, for lack of a better word, bad.